I’ve written humor pieces and stories about entertainment, pop culture, health and parenting for The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Parents, Spin, Slate, Paste, Salon, Newsweek, Real Simple, the Los Angeles Times, McSweeney’s and many other publications, and I’m author of the humor book, “Ophelia Joined the Group Maidens Who Don’t Float.” I live near Washington, DC, with my family and I almost never look like I do in that photo.